Two of my friendships have ended during the pandemic. 

The first was at the start of the first lockdown and the second in recent days. Neither person seemed to have realised the the relationship was over until they pushed too much and I pushed back with a strength that they didn’t know I had.

I think it is no coincidence that both are conspiracy theorists and bullies. When you believe blindly in something you tend to be unsubtle in all your communications; Emotional Intelligence measures zero.

One is convinced that she can cure cancer by positive thinking and that it is caused by stress while the other is convinced that there is a worldwide network of famous people who are paedophiles and practice satanic rituals with the children that they traffic.

I have been addressed stridently in my home by both of them because I disagree with them and, let’s face it, any person capable of reasoned thinking would disagree with them also.

Both are emotionally abusive with their partners. Whatever these men do it is not good enough and never will be. One meekly accepts what is said and the other is beginning to kick back. I don’t think it’s much of a coincidence that both men use drugs in more than a recreational way.

Of course I am to blame for both friendships ending and neither women understand why. Neither have notice that I’ve ghosted them on social media either. Big egos eh?

K has declared that she forgives me for my “little ways” – she forgives me for being me.

Recently K has said that she thinks I’m being less than understanding about her mental health as she’s currently living apart from her partner. She has no understanding or willingness to try to understand how it has been for me to live with severe Bipolar Disorder since I was in my early teens (I was diagnosable at 16 and it is thought that I had been ill since I was 13). I have been suicidal and I have attempted suicide. At times I have had my pills given to me by my GP on an almost daily basis to lessen the chance of an overdose and had police officers I have worked alongside within communities take sharp knives from my kitchen so that I can’t self harm. Just because I refuse to indulge the fantasy that her experience is comparable to me doesn’t mean that I lack compassion as is her accusation but that I think temper tantrums pale into insignificance.

Friends? Yeah.